English - The Versatile Language 
 (Happy Headlines) 

English is a marvelously flexible language, much to the chagrin of headline writers everywhere. If any of these headlines seem reasonable, try reading it again in a slightly different way!

  1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
  7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  8. Stud Tires Out
  9. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  10. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  11. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
  12. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
  13. Eye Drops Off Shelf
  14. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  15. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  16. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
  17. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
  18. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  19. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  20. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  21. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  22. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
  23. Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  24. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
  25. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000
  26. '84 War Dims Hope for Peace
  27. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  28. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  29. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  30. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  31. Deer Kill 17,000
  32. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  33. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  34. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  35. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  36. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  37. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
  38. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
  39. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
  40. Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
  41. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
  42. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  43. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
  44. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
  45. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
  46. Air Head Fired
  47. Steals Clock; Faces Time
  48. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
  49. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
  50. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
  51. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  52. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
  53. Sex Education Delayed; Teachers Request Training
  54. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies



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